Questions

Religion hasn't always been my strong suit, I went to church as a child only because I was told to, I was told that's what you're suppose to do, but sometime between middle school and high school, I stopped going. It started with me not going to Wednesday night church every night, then no Wednesday night church at all, and then I just stopped going.
As I've gotten older, and have had to live through the slow and painful decay of my sister (and frankly, of my sanity) I began to question God. I questioned why people who claim to love him are complete and total hypocrites. It's my belief that you can't be an ass in everyday life, but on Sunday you're nothing less of saintly. It's my belief that my relationship with the man upstairs is something personal, I don't need a middle man telling me things I don't believe in. I also believe The Bible, while it was relevant some thousands of years ago, is highly outdated, and it's been translated back and forth between so many versions and languages, that it makes me wonder how much of the original book is left.
I've been told that I'm going to Hell, I've been told that because of the way I have chosen to live my life, my sexuality, my piercings, my tattoo, and because I enjoy the comfort of yoga pants. Which brings me to my next point, Hell is believed to be brimstone and fire, but what if each persons hell is different? I'm personally TERRIFIED of June Bugs, my Hell would be me surrounded by them with no escape. I feel the same way about Heaven, everyone has a different Heaven; I see it as a really big house where everyone has their own rooms, but can travel between them to visit friends.

I'm honestly not trying to upset anyone by writing this, it's just my personal belief, but I just don't understand how people can question the government and they're called revolutionaries, but put the man in charge in a suit with a bible, and anyone who questions him is Satan. I'm not saying I'm right, I'm not saying anyone else is wrong, the first rule of Christianity is to not be a dick, love and accept people as they are. There's a whole part of "turning the other cheek" thing in the Bible. If you want to believe in The Flying Spaghetti Monster, you do you Bubu, just don't think I'm bashing on your religion when I ask about it, I'm honestly just curious and want to know more. Just like you can be christian or jewish or whatever, but mix in some hindu meditation.

I identify as Christian, that's it, no denomination, just Christian, but I also believe in the supernatural and that people can communicate with the other side. Hell, I believe that the moon cycles play a very important role in our everyday life. I have a friend who thinks he's clairvoyant, and when he told me I gave him suggestions of how he can find out if it's true or not. I believe in science, and that most things do have a scientific answer, but on the other hand I believe in some things that people would consider Wiccan.

Just live your life, and be whatever you want to be. Oh, and if someone makes fun of you or makes you feel bad for whatever you believe, like, ect. punch them. right in the face.

The struggles of Art

Since coming to San Antonio, I've been blessed with copious amounts of free time, and some not so great wifi, so I've been drawing alot, and it got me thinking of all the awkward questions I have to ask people, the weird favors I have to pull, and most of all the weird things I search on the internet. I'm 90% sure that I'm on some government watch list now due to all the pictures and information I look up.

Just the other day I had to ask one of my friends if I could take pictures of him so I could practice drawing male muscle structures. I'm already awkward about that kind of thing and him having NO idea what I was talking about didn't make it easier. I mean, in the end it all worked out, but it still was a very awkward conversation.

The sad part is, that's not even the weirdest thing I've had to ask my friends, I've had to ask one of my friends to look like they were choking me so I could have a reference photo, I've asked to take pictures of knee caps, hands, faces, and asked general weird and personal questions about their bodies. I mean, usually I can use myself as a reference, but 1) I'm not a dude, so I can't really do that for when I'm working on males and 2) It's kinda boring to draw the same body type over and over again. Luckily I have some pretty understanding friends, and some of them actually get really excited when I ask them to "model" for me. I'm definitely blessed that my friends and family are VERY supportive of my art, and of me in general.

One thing that does really concern me is my hand tremors, they're unfortunately a side effect of all of the medications that I'm on and I usually can keep them under control with eating right, but the other night they shook so badly I couldn't hold my phone, much less a pencil, I'm not going to lie, I cried. Art is the only thing I've ever wanted to do, and the only thing I've fallen in love with (besides books). I threw myself into hysterics, how could I be an artist and make art for a living if I can't use my hands? It's definitely something that I'm going to have to manage and try to work past.

But anyways, sorry I haven't been posting, but I still love all of you! and I'm here. And even if you don't think you're an artist, you can draw me a picture of stick people and I will still think it's beautiful.