Lizzie

So I recently had to read a story for my english class, about a guy who lost his brother to cancer, and what many people didn't understand was how destructive you become after you lose someone you're close to. I personally became EXTREMELY self destructive. A couple days after Lizzie's funeral, I found myself sitting in a fountain crying and screaming. I wish I could say I got better when I went back to school, but I didn't. I was plagued with sleepless nights and horrible nightmares. And I can still feel the hallow ache in my chest where she use to be. I miss her laugh, and the way she smelt( I know that sounds creepy) I miss her always eyeing my mac and cheese (I haven't had mac and cheese once since she died) I self destructed. I started drinking heavily, and attempted to bury myself in work. in art. in SOMETHING. I tried to fill the void I felt with other people, anything to make myself feel less alone. But thats what I feel. alone. No one seems to know my pain, and yes. It kills me everyday to feel this way. I still go in her room, and stand in front of her closet just to run my fingers over he clothes. I twist the ring on my finger that she left me. I go through anything of hers that makes me feel like she's still alive. I don't know what I'm looking for, a magic spell maybe. Something to bring her back. I know the pain I feel will never truly fade, but sometimes I like to imagine her in some foreign country. alive and doing well, doing what she always wanted, and she's just been too busy to write.

Maybe I'll move to Central Texas with my mom and help her with her fruit stand.

Its been almost two months. And I still feel like I just saw her yesterday.